There are some people that make an
accountability of their achievements. It is natural to do that in the last
month of the year. I was born on December so, I used to focus on the new coming
year instead of the leaving year. However this year pushed me to make recounts
of not only those months but my whole life. I think it is not good to label the
years because one tends to pre-condition him/herself but I have strong reasons
to describe this year as the worst in my life.
I think it is not useful to evaluate the years
because I believe our lives are a continuum. What I try to mean is the time is
an illusion. We measure our life on the cycles of nature, on holidays, on
historical events, but I have the deep intuition that they are only
conventions. We decide what we believe in and what we do not. Nevertheless the
cultural conventions are like a tsunami wave that devastates all our personal
believes.
Hence, I feel this is my worst year and I can
enumerate some facts that help to sustain this feeling: 1) my father committed
suicide; 2) I tried to take care of his dogs but I could not; 3) one of the
dogs suffers from epilepsy and the other from liver illness; 4) I moved to
received them to a more expensive house and the garage’s roof fell over my
fiancée’s car; 5) the car was destroyed and we remain far away from our works; 5)
my sister was fired from her work; 6) my fiancée was fired too; 7) I have
problems with my job in the university because I am not enlisted in any
political group; 8) I lost my scholarship; 9) I lost my thesis advisor because
she was angry I do not want to fight for my scholarship; 10) I broke my tooth, the
left central incisor, when I was sparring with a classmate in recreational
boxing class. Maybe I am forgetting some sad events but I think these are
enough to me.
To sum up, I think this year was not the end of
the world but it was the end of the world I used to know. I feel I did not know
how bad could be a year before this one. The losing of my father maybe put me
in this negative view of the year BUT I think I am in a different way, I feel
more optimistic because I am sure the worst is not in the future, the worst is
this. All my future years probably would have troubles and loses but this
horrible year tough me how to react to them and how to survive. So, maybe even
the worst can make you stronger.